this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
