I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
smell my finger.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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