dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
