Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
