Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
