Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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