i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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