Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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