Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
