i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
