She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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