the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
