Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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