I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
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So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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