You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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