its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
