So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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