Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
