apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Couch. On fire.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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