in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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