don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
