Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They have beer where we have blood.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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