why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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