If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
