So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize