A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
