His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
