i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
