Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize