You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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