sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
