Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
