Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
