wakey wakey hands off snakey
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
