i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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