yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
