Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
