I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
