fuck your aforementioned shoe
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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