Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
