FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
a search helicopter?!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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