Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
