just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
