he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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