Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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