meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish you could order shots online.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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