I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
