don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sarcasm needs its own font
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
