Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im six kinds of drunk right now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
