Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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