i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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