god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The adults are the big ones right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
