So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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