i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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