Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
