Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
BRING THE BAGELS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
