We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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