Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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