I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
