I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
