This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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