He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
