remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
