I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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