I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
